Monday, 7 March 2016

{The Ordinary Moments 16} #10 'My Two Boys'

Yesterday, on Mother's Day, my youngest sister and I decided to surprise our mum with a little surprise day out. It was one of those perfect days where you have the simplest of plans but the whole day turns out just perfect. It made me feel quite contemplative about my own motherhood journey, which so far, although only short, has been the biggest learning curve of my life...

I've been a Mummy for just over two years and seven months. Or 957 days to be precise. Two and a half of those years as Mummy to LO and for the past 61 days I've been Mummy to two- LO and Little L. They have been the most rewarding and loving 957 days, but also the most tiring and sometimes challenging. In those last 61 days since becoming a Mummy to two, my role as a Mummy has definitely changed. I know it's been a lot more challenging, ten times more tiring and with many a moment where I've felt like I've had to divide myself in two, but in those 61 days, despite being so difficult at times, I have never felt so full of love, or so happy in my life. 

The whole time I was pregnant with Little L, I tried to picture what it would be like to have two children. When we had the 20 week scan and discovered we were having another boy, I tried to then picture LO playing with his brother. I couldn't wait for them to meet each other and be able to play together. I also wondered what it would be like as a mother to have another child to love and to care for. It really is true what people say though about loving your second child- you worry that your heart is so full of love for your first, how can you possibly love another child as much- but your love really does multiply, and it increases with each day that passes- each smile, each cuddle, each feed and every time you whisper night night and they quietly mumble "love you Mummy" from underneath the covers as you close the door. 

I still have to occasionally pinch myself that I am now Mummy to two children. It still feels very surreal and grown up to think I have two little boys now. It's such a huge privilege to be able to watch your little ones grow up, to witness them reach their milestones, to take them on adventures and to teach them about the world around them. I love having two little people to call my own and to look after each day. I love seeing their little personalities evolve and develop, seeing traits of both mine and Mr F's personalities in each of them.

Over those 957 days since LO was born in July 2013, we have seen his personality grow and change so much. He has always been a cheeky one- you could tell early on with his infectious giggles and beaming smile hat he'd be a bit cheeky. He's so incredibly affectionate and always wants to give you a cuddle. He is so confident at home and most definitely rules the roost in our house, but he also has a shy, vulnerable side which you see mostly at groups or in unfamiliar settings, when he will cling to my leg for dear life and not want to leave my side. He has also inherited a stubborn streak from somewhere and his defiance can be incredibly wearing at times, especially when it comes to wanting my iPhone or the iPad or if we are having a difficult nap time or dinner in the evening. But he is also such a polite little boy and I am so proud of his manners and how kind he speaks to everyone with his soft, sweet speaking voice.

I think Little L is going to have quite a different personality. He seems more of a serious baby than LO ever was. I think he is more needy than LO was too, and loves to be held and cuddled all day. Unlike LO, he's not a good sleeper, and prefers to sleep in my bed than go in his Moses basket, and won't lie down in the day unless he sleeps on me. He always seems to know when I'm nearby and will track my every move with his little beady eyes, it's so sweet. LO is becoming increasingly fascinated by him and will now give him kisses and cuddles (on his own terms of course!). 

Having a toddler and a newborn is definitely much harder than I ever thought or imagined it would be, especially as Little L will only sleep in the day if I'm holding him. Juggling both their needs is hard and trying to keep them both happy when I'm here by myself can be hugely challenging and I often just collapse in a heap and heave a huge sigh of relief when Mr F gets in from work. I constantly worry that I'm not being the best Mummy I could be and have had so many moments of feeling guilty- when I'm feeding Little L and LO is sitting playing with his train set by himself, waiting patiently for me to join him. I then feel guilty that Little L is missing out on exciting things to  help his development like going to baby groups, when I took LO to every baby group under the sun when he was a baby just because it's not practical or always possible with two children.

But I look at them and already I can see their brotherly bond starting to develop and I know that when they start to play together, everything will fall into place like pieces of a jigsaw. With each day that passes, we get a little more sleep at night time, the time between feeds gets a bit further apart and gradually, life with two gets a little bit easier, almost without me noticing, just like the way they are both changing each day, without me noticing. And while these newborn days are really hard work with two of them, and I have moments of feeling guilty, where I feel I've lost the plot, or times when I need to call on my own mum to come and rescue me from total and utter chaos, I know I wouldn't change it for the world. Because these two are my world I feel so hugely proud that I can call them my two boys.

We had a lovely day out for Mother's Day and I love these photos of me and my two boys (in their matching yellow jackets!)...



  1. Such beautiful photos lovely, just stunning. And a lovely ode to motherhood as well. I remember feeling the same as you, feeling guilty I wasn't taking LL to baby groups. But she is just fine and the happiest little thing who adores her big sister. I am sure your boys will be the same. x

  2. Oh it looks like a fabulous day and beautiful photos. I feel very new still to this mother of two gig ( 13 months in!) and it is so tough but so rewarding you're right. R is so laid back and happy just to watch her big sister, they get so much just by having them around it is totally enough. Sounds like you're doing great X

  3. I love the Bobble hats, it looks like you are having a lovely time.

  4. Lovely photos. I relate to everything you've said. Going from one to two was really emotional for me, in a good way and in a hard way. I was sad because my eldest was moving on from being an only child, something that the youngest would never be. But I was so happy that they had each other and always would. And still have those moments but now I'm like 'Do I really have 3 children? Does that mean I'm an adult now?'


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